Tuesday, August 21, 2012

No more comment drama...

I’m pretty thick-skinned. I do pretty well with criticism and welcome opposing points of view. After all, we are all different and no one person thinks or believes or agrees with every other person on this planet. What a boring place this would be if we all thought alike. So I’ve always welcomed comments that didn’t agree with me. They are helpful to me to be objective and re-evaluate my own perspective.

My readers have always been had the privilege of posting uncensored comments. I haven’t reviewed them before they post. I have let everyone speak their own mind no matter how they expressed their opinion. I have deleted only two comments in the past two years and they were ones that had nothing to do with the blog or content – they were just filled with pornography.
I have always felt that everyone has a point of view that deserves to be heard. I am a strong woman and (for the most part) can take whatever is dished out. Yesterday I met with a social worker from the Veterans Administration who pointed out that disrespectful comments made on this blog can hurt people other than me.  I have a lot of readers who relate to what I write as a story of their own life. They see themselves in my experiences. When someone posts a hateful comment, it is not just hateful towards me, it is also hateful towards those readers who have made similar choices. It’s not just about ME anymore.

There is also the issue of the rudeness upsetting my family. They take the commenters words personally and want to protect me. I’ve asked them not to respond to the hurtful things people post, but the comments have become so upsetting, that my grandson’s wife, could not help but lash back (grandaughter).
It is a shame when the actions of a few result in innocent people having to pay the consequences. Unfortunately, this has become the case. For now on, I will review every comment before it is posted. I will not post comments that are venomous, mean, rude or hateful. It is cowardly is hide behind anonymity in order to hurt others. Simply put – if you don’t like me, don’t read my blog. I invite you to NOT be involved in anything I do.
I still welcome opposing points of view. I will not edit the comments. Everyone has a right to be heard, as long as everyone is respectful of everyone else. Anonymous comments will still be accepted as long as they are of a constructive nature. I especially like comments that provide positive suggestions and/or links to other sites with helpful information.
Thank you very much for being my readers. I appreciate every one of you. I hope you will continue reading even though there might not be so much “comment drama”.

18 comments:

ADDY said...

So sorry you have had hurtful comments on this blog. I can never understand why people have to be so hateful.

SoberMomRocks said...

After going back and reading the comments I would have to say that you are definitely making the right choice. Some people REALLY don't have enough to do with themselves.

Stay strong and keep blogging and fuck anyone who doesn't like what you write. (Sorry - but I curse like a sailor when I'm angry.)

jo said...

cool, someone besides me who cusses! ^5 to sobermomrocks.

i also went and read the comments. this is what we get online when we are honest. very few understand us and our choices. i have known maybe 2 who actually understand this. or how scary it is to be my age and have nothing..no car,,,no money, no job...no meds. "just leave!" yeah, i cant wait to live in that box under a bridge. uh huh.

chin up, linda. they dont understand. they dont want to, either. its so easy to judge another. even us all in this wont make the same choices as the other. its just up to each of us.

and its so hard. even a counselor said "why am i still with mine?" i knew then i was in the wrong place with the wrong person. i am just not that selfish, to abandon my disabled daughter and her girls to this. wont happen.

and yes, i did like the comment on cremate them before they die. hahahahaha. needed to laugh! but truly, i dont think mine will ever die or even shut up.

hang in there. there really is not the help out there so many seem to think is just waiting for us to get. actually, there is very little. and that takes a fight to get.

we have got to not fall into the trap of tending to them so much we forget ourselves, tho. its too easy to do.

just my view, you need to have some sort of plan when riley needs medical care again. a true living will. or this will get worse and worse. i dont even know what i will do if a time comes with mine. i just know its needed.

Syd said...

Sounds like a good plan. I do comment moderation but have received few mean comments in over 5 years of blogging.

Kathy said...

I've had a blog before. I received comments that were so horrible it became a brain you know what to keep writing it. I even had people go so far as to try to find me in real life and report me to cps and things like that were happening. I finally had to delete it. The blog dealt with a lifestyle I was living that absolutely hurt no one. It just wasn't mainstream.

Anonymous said...

Oh Linda ... as if anyone can write anything here that would hurt more than living with an alcoholic husband! They don't have a clue. My beloved husband calls me vile names day and night. He accuses me of "doing" everyone I come in contact with (keep in mind that I am 60 years old, overweight and have no energy left at the end of the day when I get home @ 1:00 AM from work).... embezzlement (of my own money) ... etc etc etc. I have the full responsibility of a full time job,plus a home business and my home maintenance (cooking, cleaning, laundry etc)and the care of my elderly Mother and I am accused of being "lazy". Does this social worker have a clue? The cruel words of my beloved husband, my partner in life, my best friend .. cannot even blast through the wall I have had to build around my soul much less the words of strangers. "I am a rock,
I am an island. And a rock feels no pain; And an island never cries."

msterfun said...

Like a bridge over troubled water, sister! Sorry got on a garfunkle tangent again.

Back on topic, jo, glad you get my humor though I'm not sure I'm aleays joking :)

Linda, I've often thought most of the inappropriate posts here were just to see if they could get a rise out if you. Not giving attention to idiots is the best way to get them to go away. My posts could sometimes easily be viewed as harsh but i say the things i say, the eay i say them, to make people think.

Anonymous said...

Here is something that helped me when I attended ALANON:

Is It true?
Does it need to be said?
Am I the one to say it?

Consider the source.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about the negative people and their comments, Linda!! You have helped me deal with 2 alcoholic relatives, more than you will ever know!! Keep up the good work! My only complaint is that you don't post messages everyday:)

Anonymous said...

I too wish you had time to write more often. You have helped me enormously!

Anonymous said...

I wrote that I thought you would again buy Riley booze...congratulations. I think your move and leaning on family a bit is just what you needed to break the craziness pattern...and I take my comment back. For those who accuse you of being a gold digger....they are clearly off base and they should try walking in your shoes...

ADDY said...

I've just realised I had missed a post or two of yours and have just read the one where you were whisked to hospital with a suspected stroke.So sorry to read that and hope you are feeling a bit more rested and better, tho with the worries and problems you have on your plate at the moment it is no wonder if you have not progressed. Hugs from across the big pond.

msterfun said...

I still dont see the sense of not giving a dying person what they want. Its not wrong to let a cancer patient smoke or to let an obese person eat mcdonalds or to let a diabetic have a cookie. Why is it wrong to give a drunk a drink?

At least the cancer patient is a joy to be able to spend what time is remaining with. And i bet the obese person has a great personality.

I'm just sayin....

jo said...

mstfun, i understand and relate!

to the anonymous poster, mine does the same thing. constantly, all i want is him to shut up. the rest i could deal with. i relate. they seem to all say the same things. and their totally insane. feel free to email me or holler here if you want. i havent found many who have to deal with this like we do.

golddigger? lol. what, riley has millions? oh please. whatever linda gets she deserves. try hiring someone to take his abuse. you cant. try hiring someone anyway for just baths and such. unreal expensive.

and the beat goes on...........

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Until you have walked in the shoes of an alcoholic's family you have no earthly idea what it's like. You don't ever know what kind of a day waits for you. If you stay you are constantly worrying and waiting if you leave you are constantly worrying and waiting. Many of us know exactly what you mean. I feel like I'm reading excerpts from my life when I read your blog. It also gives me strength to go on. THANK YOU!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm 17 with a 1 year old son. My dad is a heavy alcoholic. Has been for years and years and years, I've never known him sober. He used to take me on a day out - to the pub - when I was 4/5, I thought it was normal. As I'm typing this, my dad has been intensive care with internal bleeding, liver failure , kidney failure, ulcerated legs and septiciema. They couldn't find the bleed and at 7pm tonight he was rushed to london kings college hospital for a major op that he may well not pull through from which he's having at this very moment. I use to care for him at the age of 15 as mum worked full time. Even when I was heavily pregnant, if he fell over I was left to pick him up and put him to bed. No one would ever understand what its like living with an alcoholic and if anyone dare say anything about my dad to my face, I will be extremely angry. They have no right to judge. 'Don't judge the path I lead, if you've never walked my journey' that's my motto.

mary said...

Linda, have you considered a live chat room? Yes I know there would be some morons show up but you could assign a couple of people to help boot the bad guys, lol. It would be great to have somewhere to go day ir night to vent or just exchange info in realtime.Just a thought.I hope each of you the best.